How to Survive a shootout.

Second Amendment = right to bear arms = you,me,angry korean kid, Rambo can all get a gun. What happens if Rambo has a "senior moment" or flashback? If you are in a situation such as this, or live in a dangerous neighborhood, follow my guide to ensure you dont make the casulty report on the 6'oclock news. Despite the odds of it happening, better safe then sorry. Remember, your no good if your riddled with holes.

Step 1 Get low,"shawty had dem apply body jeans, boots with the fur...." if you get low, there is less surface area for a bullet to hit. Remember this song when you are running since Rappers are professional bullet dodgers.
Step 2 If you are running, run like Forrest Gump. Don't look back. If the gunmen is at long range, ducking as you run or zig zagging can lessen the chance of being shot.

Step 3 Seek solid cover if gunman is in vicinity. Call police as soon as possible-Dont try to be a hero.

"Every hero i know is dead."

Step 4 You can also hide in a room and lock the door. Try to also bar the door with furniture if possible. It will be useful if the room has a window that you can jump out off should the need arise. While waiting in room do the chicken dance.

Step 5 You can play dead. However if you see the shooter shooting bodies on the floor, playing dead can make you dead.
Step 6 The most efficient way to dodge bullets is to make sci fi music whoosh noises and do matrix style body movements. 99 percent chance of dodging bullets. Ensure your wearing sunglasses too.

Blog Critic

So doing a google scan today I discovered my blog has been critiqued on a website called dozenblogs.com. I don't take critique very well so in true critique fashion I will do a website review on their website.

It's hard to choose the worst of all the blog ranking websites out there but we went by category and this one we feel falls best under the category"When your a poofter and you feel the need to make an opinion that no one gives a fuck about except the person you are criticizing who is mentally unstable and may hunt you down and kick your ass.".

website address: http://www.dozenblogs.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=863&catid=47

Innovation 1/10
Not very special. Just another blog ranking website. Not original idea. We're so bored we're turning  pitch black.This website is boring and half if it makes too much sense but no one gives a fuck.  It's copycat  websites  like this that make us believe that websites should be a privilege and not a right.

Navigation: 1/10
There's too much to navigate here and the site is cluttered with spam so points for that.  It literally feels like you're looking at a sunken ship except there is spam all over it and a twitter logo that is burnt to your eye.  If you enjoy looking at sunken ships, then this website is perfect for your intellectual advancement.

Profile: -5/10
Hot or not? There is a youtube video embedded onto the site with a presenter who i presume is the owner. The owner looks like a dirty person, and the video is obviously amateur; made with no professionalism despite its obvious intent. Sticky taping the "sign content is king" proves that the owner ripped off someone else's catchphrase to supplement his/her/it own greed.

LoL Factor: 2/10
If you stare at the twitter logo that follows your screen for awhile. You may start laughing.

Weird Factor: 0/10
"But not weird in a funny way - weird in a pathetic way."
As quoted from website-is he making fun of people who are weird? weird people are people too you heartless sizzledick. 

Social Options: 0/10
He has dozens of friends I'm sure. Everything is organized into dozens. All his website reviews are dozen numerical wise. Pathetic weird.

Fun Factor: 0/10
Follow these steps to ensure maximum fun
1:Start Blog
2. Get rated
3.Take owner to court for defamation and being a ugly cunt
4.Enjoy benefits


Multimedia Options:0/10
So much colours is likely to freeze older computers and induce epilepsy on innocent people.

Overall rated a floppy website-like that of a old man. Thank you have a great day.

 

Happy hobo's guide to the World- Afghanistan

Egypt is a beautiful Originally the world tour was meant to stop at Egypt but Egypt is full of sand, mummies and camel lovers(sexually?) so none of you would be interested in that right? Instead we skipped to a much more interesting country-Afghanistan!


Bombed back to the Middle Ages by America during World War 5. Afghanistan is home to that guy that wears Man Bikinis. What was his name? Borat that’s it! Very nice high five...you just read that in his voice. There is a war going on now so fashion in Afghanistan has changed over the years. Bullet proof vests act as formal casual wear while strapped on bombs are perfect for your birthday party!

There are no forms of communication in Afghanistan as the last phone tower just got deleted by a Air to Ground missile therefore Afghans rely on magic carpets to visit one another. Afghans also invented the 55 dollar hookah. Unfortunately there are no women on earth that would have sex with YOU for 55 dollars so they invented this tube to smoke shit out of with the same name so you can feel better about yourself.

Afghans look like a product of a ethnic gangbang. Asian, Russian,Indian and Martian bloodlines seem to have mixed with Afghan bloodline resulting in what all humans will probably look like in the future. On the subject of sexuality, since there is a surplus of weapons around, missle heads and rpgs are regularly used as sex toys.

There is a way to see Afghanistan for free! Air ticket, lodging and board all provided for! Join the ARMY!*

*terms and conditions apply, may lose limbs or life, no raincheck.

Next time on Happyhobo's guide to the world- Russia!