Last Rant

Unfortunately, like all good things in this world, this blog must come to an end. This will be my last blog post on Rants From Worlds Smartest Monkey. Please do not cry, your making it worse. I am unable to continue ranting as i have been diagnosed with .................... Vaginal Rash. I was surprised too when the indian doctor said it, he said it quite quick so at first i assumed he was calling me Vajay Raj but alas it was not so. Now i have to live with the ugly burden of having vaginal rash. Since vaginal rash prevents me from typing sentences as i have to constantly scratch, my blog has been ended with a career ending injury.


To all the readers that stuck with me through the good times and the bad times, I thank you.  Now to the future. What will happen to happyhobo now? Will he find a job? Will he become rich? Will he cure his vaginal rash? Find out in the next episode of "The young and the happyhobo"

tips on life

Listen civilian, heres a tip to help you save money.

When your buying items from a small business. Try to chat up the owner, if you do so, the owner is likely to give you a discount.

Also, my boner for you is instant.

Prostitute Experience

I cheated on my hand last night. To celebrate a special event, me and my friend headed to a brothel to get some sticky yicky. We arrived at the place of pleasure around dinner time and got buzzed in. As soon as we walked in, standing in front of us was a huge FUCKING gorilla aka bouncer. Business wise, why would you put a alpha male animal to greet people? There goes all my sex drive. A lady emerged from behind him to greet us-old and too much obvious makeup. She leads us into a viewing room. There was hardcore porn playing in front of us and we sat around waiting for the ladies. It was awkward because I did not want to get a boner before i saw real boobies. The old lady asked if i wanted anything to drink and i made a lame joke about just being here to do my job. Laughs all around albeit awkward. The lineup comes and the girls greet us individually. Its really freaking dark in the viewing room and i can see shit. So i choose this tight looking girl. We pay up and are led into the rooms.

She tells me i must pass penis exam, she looks at my dick and tries to spot any stds. Like "finding wally" only its called finding red dots. PASS. So she tells me to shower and she will get ready. This room is even darker than the viewing room and i literally have to strain to look around. I wash my asscrack in the shower and wait for her on the bed. She comes back with some condoms and lubricant. We start chatting bullshit and shes asks me if i want massage first then sex or sex first then massage. I tell her massage first since i want to chillax so i lie down on my back. She takes off her clothes to expose firm breasts and neat looking vagina; kinda like buzz cut haircut. Puts all this lubricant on me and rubs me up. I instantly think of that scene in year one where Cera is massaging oil onto that gay priest. Feels good man.

Shes asks me if im ready? "Since the first day i was born". She slips on a condom and made sure it stuck on properly. She makes a joke about not wanting kids with me. Well fuck, your a prostitute so your not exactly prime genetic material either. The session begins with blowing me even though i cant feel shit since the condom is on pretty tight and cutting off blood flow. I got the urge to tell my sex ed teacher to fuck himself because wearing a condom SUCKS ANUS BALLS yet its still better than dying of aids. I tell her to stop and get ready. I lie down and she inserts herself onto me. Once again i cant feel shit. We rides me but you can probably get more energy and enthusiasm from a dead horse. Do  i need to mention I CANT FEEL SHIT. Im not cumming and i told her make me cum. She shares some inside whore knowledge that men can cum quickly doggy style. So i do her doggy style. My thingies falls out and since i cant feel shit i cant tell whether its in or not, that compounded with low light made me rage pretty hard. Sex is pretty tiring. One of my legs start cramping; you can see in the mirror one muscle tensing up. No joke, its a weird sensation trying to orgasm yet your leg is in spasm pain. We change postions. I ask her if i can lick her "breasts".I wanted to say titties but didnt want it to sound degrading. Mmmm tastes just like milk. Still no good and we root for 10 more minutes. I cant feel shit. In the end, I had to use my special technique to jizz.

Being the biggest tightarse on earth, I use the remaining time for another massage. I shower and dress and head out into the night's breeze.

Overall id rate the experience
Fun-8/10
Pleasure-4/10
Vision and feeling-0/10

Now i feel dirty.

Deep Philosophical Thinking

So we live in a materialist society, everyone wants RICHES! MONEY! WEALTH!. What happens at the end? We all die and leave this world the same way we came ie-not going backing into your mothers vagina but leaving without any processions. So what is the point of working? What is the point of earning all this money and then buying a house and buy this and that. Buy memories, buy happiness, buy a kangaroo. What will make one happy? Shit i should stop eating those wild mushrooms that grow on the side of the park....................

To a lighter side, recently, I have been trying to get fired from my job. I AM FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT. Fat people come in asking what is the best way to lose weight using the easiest machine. Well I have news for you - YOUR A FAT CUNT. IF YOU EAT MCDONALD BURGERS EVERYDAY AND THEN EXPECT TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT ANY EFFORT; YOUR FUCKING DREAMING. ALSO, WHEN I AM PACKING UP, DONT FUCKING SOME IN AND START ASKING QUESTIONS. CAN YOU NOT TELL ITS FUCKING CLOSING TIME.I HAVE WORKED THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS LEAVE THIS SHITHOLE. THINK OF IT LIKE THIS, IF YOU WERE TAKING A SHIT AND AT THE END AS YOUR GRABBING TOILET PAPER I COME IN AND TELL YOU TO KEEP ON SHITTING, HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

Thats it for now.