Cockblocked by a Dog

Once again, life has proven that Happyhobo must remain virgin for the amusement of god.

So here i was, running up and down the hills for fitness and health (and partly because I'm crazy and have nothing to do....the things boredom does to you.); when this really pretty girl and her friend walks over and sit down to watch me run. Getting excited i made sure i flexed every muscle in my body to enhance my athletic physique including my eyeballs whilst trying to think up of a witty introduction and/or pickup line. It was an awfully windy day so my shirt was blowing up and down showing them my baby fat, but i was sure they were impressed, like in the movies when someone runs in slow motion and there is wind everywhere...

On my last lap, i prepare to man up and make conversation when out of the corner of my eye, i see this flash of white. I hear laboured breathing sounds, DEJAVU! "Roff roff rofff" screamed this freaking dogas it barked all over the place and tried to make advancements on my nuts. It ran in circles and started to slobber over my clothes. But then the most awful thing happened. I swear to god that the dog smiled at me when it made eye contact with me, then with the two girls. In my mind i screamed "nooooooooo" but it was too late. The target has been set. Its canine brain focused on one thing. COCK BLOCKAGE. I tried to distract it but the damn dog was unimpressed at my attempts at dog talk. It chased after the two girls and then the girls ran like crazy. That my friends, is the story of how one dog stopped one man from reaching one vagina.

So now you know why I'm still a virgin. From now on, every time i see a girl, i must make sure there are no dogs within my vicinity. You never know when they may strike but when they do........mans best friend my ass.

Don't feed your dog steroids please

Everyone loves dogs-mans best friend-or is it really mans best friend? I thought the penis was a man's best friend. Anyways back to the point, its Saturday morning and I'm trying to enjoy a stroll through the park, 20 metres away is a skinny women with a huge dog, when i say huge, i mean you can probably put some make-up on it and put it into a Lord Of the Rings movie with the Dark Lord riding this thing. Immediately i wonder how you walk a dog that size without it walking you. Then i noticed the dog wasn't leashed. The dog looked at me, i looked at it. Normally I am not afraid of dogs, but when a dog that looks like a sumo on four legs starts charging at you at high speeds, thats a different story. Recalling watching a TV show about dogs, i froze dead in my tracks hoping the dogs vision was like stripper vision, and if i turn inanimate it won't see me. 10 metres......5 metres....moment of impact......

Expecting the dog to run around me in circles or whatever dogs do when they see people, my expectation was cut short when i lost full feeling in my right leg. The stupid dog had charged at me and instead of veering off it smashed facefirst onto my kneecap. The owner seeing that her dog couldnt walk straight called out its name. By now the dog was walking in a drunk fashion but finally decided a bird was more interesting than me. The owner did not bother to even apologise. Moral of this story-don't worry about leashes if you have a big dog, instead consider investing in a tranquilizer gun.