Creative ways to die

Everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die. So when the time does come-how do you want to go? Here are some interesting deaths that has happened and can happen?

1.Dieing by sex-very manly way to go. Suffer heart-attack whatever. Having sex automatically puts you above 99 percent of the Internet population who aren't even getting any.

2. Die laughing- Made possible by some guy who couldn't stop laughing at a TV show. Proves TV does kill braincells and even lives.

3. Die by time machine. That's right, go back and have sex with your mother. TIME CONTINUUM PARADOX. What a way to go.

4. Crushed to death by war elephant. How many people can proclaim that at a funeral? Not a elephant- a mother f%$cking war elephant.

5. Getting hit by a space object. It could be a meteor, alien ship,space junk or even nasa sattelites.... Walking down the street and is that a plane?is that superman? no its a meteor coming straight for me. WOW sooo shiny, im just going to stand here and watch the shiny light *dribbles saliva.

6. Die by ownage. Dress like a terrorist then find the most redneck bar in America and shout die infidels. Then wait for sweet heaven.

7.Die by hunting. You can either hang out with Dick Cheney or dress like a animal and run around the woods during hunting season.

8.Die by collision with the moon. I mean, once you reach a certain weight, theoretically, you will get your gravitational pull. So eat junk food for 1000 years to reach epic proportions. Then wait as the moon crashes into you.

9. Last but not least die by the cross. That's right. Die on a cross then come back. (that makes Jesus a zombie!!!) The most epic way to die.

Well, don't try these at home boys and girls. Wait, the disclaimer goes at the start?

Interview with a hobo

Some people like collecting stamps as a hobby, others say, love mountain hiking-well my special topic of interest is hobos aka homeless, lazy bums etc. I love these guys. One may argue homelessness is a serious issue but how can you not laugh at a guy with missing teeth, smells like wet dog, dresses like its always summer (i guess that's what all the holes are for-good ventilation) and sings with a voice that is probably better than half of the day one Idol tryouts. I guess hobos are natures clowns-no artificial makeup needed. Usually, their misfortunes in life are always comedic. ie. "ninjas took wife, need money for karate lessons" or the classic "son kidnapped, 98 cents short of ransom". Anyways, I'm meant to be interviewing a hobo here so on to the point:

Me: "Hello sir, do you mind doing a interview for my documentary on homelessness?"

hobo:"do i get paid?"

me:"yes sir, there will be a monetary payment."

hobo:"give me now."

*i give hobo 10 dollars-"here you go sir."

me:"so sir, do you mind telling me your name?"

*pretends to be sleeping.

me:"sir are you OK?"

hobo:"*&^% off!"

me:"sir you promised me a inter...."

hobo:"%$#@ off before i kick your !#@"

Seeing that the hobo looked pretty big for a homeless person-you'd think that homeless people would be small and undernourished, however this was not the case. I moved away to avoid ending up on 6'o'clock news under headline "reporter gets owned by hobo". Now i am 10 dollars less and without a interview.

UP the movie

OK, just saw the commercial for Up the movie by pixar studios and gotta say,what has the world come to? Go to this website for the plot-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_(2009_film). Here we have a childrens film and the main character is a 79 year old pensioner. Every kid watches a movie and then idolises the main character. Which kid in there right state of mind would imagine themselves to be a 79 year old pensioner?

"oh no look, the bad guys are taking over the city"

"look its a bird!"

"no its a plane"

"no its a old guy stuck to balloons!!!!"

"watch out he might hit you with his walking stick"

"why is it raining?"

"i think he peed himself and wait wait ....yep, he crashed."

NOT going to work. Besides, how is the merchandising going to work? Do you want your kids playing with a old man doll? What is it called when children touch old men? Is this movie trying to use reverse psycology and promote pedophilia? However the movie does offer a solution for some of American's social security problems. Lets all tie up the old people, stick them to balloons and they are another countries problem! so what you waiting for? time to raid the retirement home and start filling up the balloons.