Hot Hot Hot

I can't believe this, my blog has become the latest battlefield for good and evil. As i was surfing porn yesterday, a huge pop-up came onto my screen and yep, you probably didn't guess it but it was Satan. Well to be more precise, it was Satan's lawyers, they allege that the post i made about gods letter to me was defamatory to Satan's image and requested i post this letter or else expect legal action and/or demon procession. So i guess i have no choice, here is the letter.

Dear foolish mortals and happyhobo,

Since the "almighty" is going all technological on my a$$, i feel outraged at the way he described me and feel that i have been portrayed in a very negative fashion. Let me introduce myself, I am known by many names, Satan, Lucifer,Devil,Beelzebub, but you can just call me Joe. I was raised in god's pristine heaven until i realised he was being selfish and not letting me be my potential, i mean i was the hottest angel there. Any other angels, if they sat next to me, it is like comparing a before and after picture. So i ran away from home, well more of kicked out but that's not the point. Anyways here i am walking around on this place called earth and see this really really fricking sweet garden so i turn into a snake and settled down to enjoy life. God saw that i was enjoying life and he was pissed so he made some humans to come f^*%$ things up for me. Anyways i plant some really nice trees (I'm really into gardening), there is this one tree called the tree of knowledge that i really liked, it produced both fruit and made you smarter. I see these two monkey walking around, really really stupid things you could tell, i mean, they weren't even wearing clothes and the guy was getting shrinkage so feeling sorry for them, i told the women to eat some fruit to boost that IQ a bit. Anyways they got smarter and found out that they were naked, god got pissed cause now he cant see naked genitals, man that god guy seriously needs to attend anger management classes, he is pissed off about everything. So he banishes them and i kinda feel its my fault so feeling sorry for them i decide from now on, ill help them enjoy life abit.

Anyways, feel free to drop me a message anytime, all you have to do piss off god like checking out your girlfriends sister's tits or lying about those magazines, that's right, i know everything myhahahahahahahaha *cough excuse me, mwhahahahhhahahah!!!

*Come join me for a eternity of burning and pain! This Saturday ! RVSP on facebook please.

Oh my God!

It has come to this, after two months of blogging, i will finally talk about the holy one-not Michael Jackson but the Holy GOD! Who better to find out about god than god himself! So yesterday night, i prayed for god to reveal himself unto me. Guess what, in the mail the next day, i got fined for illegal parking! However going through the pile i noticed a white letter and omg(no pun intended) was i surprised, it was a letter by god himself written to me!(DISCLAIMER:Actual praying results will vary). Below is that letter.

Dear HappyHobo

yoooooo broooo wassup man? Its your holy father dude, i love you mannnn. How you doing? wait i already know that, anyways, sorry for the long delay in replying dude, usually I'm omnipotent and shit but i get lots of fanmail. I know your asking yourself why does god swear and talk like a hippy? Well contrary to popular belief, I'm pretty shizzle yah dig, i mean talking like "the lordeth giveth and the lord taketh" makes me sound like a homosexual with a lisp. Anyways dawg, ill give you a bang for my life story mkay? I'm three things in one! that's right, I'm the value package-if you believe in me, you get three for the deal of one! I'm god, then i fathered myself into that virgin chick but I'm also a spirit-pretty cool right? Well, i kinda got bored up in heaven with those angels, i mean all day they just sing and poop like birds so i created your decedents just for fun. Anyways, one of my angels must have had something really high up his a## because he tried to f&ck with my new toy. So being the awesome god(I'm full of awesomeness), i kicked his butt out and he turned into a snake and brought his own home somewhere really hot. My real estate agent told me though my property is worth more than his so I'm pretty happy. One day I'm going to kick his a$$ but i just cant be bothered you know? I'm like the biggest procrastinator. Anyways that pretty much summarises my life up till now.

hope you enjoy meatloaf for dinner.

Peace out Yall

xxx lots of love GOD