How to Survive a shootout.

Second Amendment = right to bear arms = you,me,angry korean kid, Rambo can all get a gun. What happens if Rambo has a "senior moment" or flashback? If you are in a situation such as this, or live in a dangerous neighborhood, follow my guide to ensure you dont make the casulty report on the 6'oclock news. Despite the odds of it happening, better safe then sorry. Remember, your no good if your riddled with holes.

Step 1 Get low,"shawty had dem apply body jeans, boots with the fur...." if you get low, there is less surface area for a bullet to hit. Remember this song when you are running since Rappers are professional bullet dodgers.
Step 2 If you are running, run like Forrest Gump. Don't look back. If the gunmen is at long range, ducking as you run or zig zagging can lessen the chance of being shot.

Step 3 Seek solid cover if gunman is in vicinity. Call police as soon as possible-Dont try to be a hero.

"Every hero i know is dead."

Step 4 You can also hide in a room and lock the door. Try to also bar the door with furniture if possible. It will be useful if the room has a window that you can jump out off should the need arise. While waiting in room do the chicken dance.

Step 5 You can play dead. However if you see the shooter shooting bodies on the floor, playing dead can make you dead.
Step 6 The most efficient way to dodge bullets is to make sci fi music whoosh noises and do matrix style body movements. 99 percent chance of dodging bullets. Ensure your wearing sunglasses too.

The recession.

"The economy is bad, wahh wahh wahhh", "i lost my job wahh wahh wahh". These are tough times to live in but stop complaining for heavens sake! Life's a b#tch-period. At least you are still alive. I turn on the news and see a interview between a journalist and a family suffering economic crisis. Below is the transcript or something close to it.

"so how has the recession affected you?."

"its the little things you feel the most like changing wholegrain wheat bread for plain white bread."

I want to slap her in the face. At least you have something to eat! If you really are struggling and suffering a crisis, follow my list of money saving tips!

-Don't shower, instead wait for it to rain and use leaves as soap. That way you get a natural smell. This might be a problem in dry countries, in this case just don't shower.

-Save money on candles by collecting earwax.

-next time you see a stray dog, take it home, be nice to it, feed it lots-its a investment!

-the above one is sick, don't follow it,instead, do it on a cat.

-make more money by cutting your notes in half and then complaining that it is damaged at the bank to get two notes for one!-wait that was a really smart idea!

-do you enjoy shows such as Cops or Family Guy? Save money on television by running from the police or doing really stupid things and you can see them real time!.

-can't afford to go out on dates or maintiaining a relationship? Ditch your current significant other, go online and buy yourself a russian bride or groom for a one off payment.

-keep on reading this blog for free happiness rather than having to pay for it at the massage pa lour and going on dates.