Happy Hobo's eating Achievements.

The day has come where we sum up all HappyHobo's eating achievements in one blog post. Be prepared to be wowed and amazed at the amazing eating abilities of HappyHobo!

Most Burgers Eaten In One Sitting:
6 burgers- 2 Double layered Cheeseburgers plus four normal cheeseburgers. Ate dinner at 6 that night but got hungry after watching 300 at 8 and went on to consume 6 burgers plus a coke and a packet of chips. Heart attack here I come.

Most Pizza Consumed in One Sitting.
1 large Papa John's pizza by myself. Just to give international readers a idea of how big an American pizza is. The large Pizza in Australia is only considered a medium pizza in the US. Reason i consumed it was not out of hunger but because a fagot friend of mine got a misplaced order and didn't get his pizza so everyone gave him a slice. I didn't because I am a cheap ass and wanted to teach him a lesson so i consumed it all just to not look bad.

Most constipated diet
When I was working at a camp, we just got fed carbohydrates to keep us fed and full instead of providing nutrients. So as you can imagine, we went into labour and anal hemorrhaging everyday at 7am.

Favourite Place to Eat
I perform best in Chinese buffets eating an average of 3-4 full plates and the maximum being 5 plates. The secret is to not eat the fried food at the start in order to maximise stomach storage and don't drink water as fried food + water = expansion.

Most food consumed in one sitting
Consumption is as follows:
2 large bowls of rice.
1 bowl of dumpling
5 chicken drumsticks
1/4 kg of various meats
2 plates of vegetables
i cereal bowl of icecream
1 plate of desert.

Need to use toilet now. Catch yall later...........

A crappy story

I'm about to tell you a crap story-not in the sense that's it is boring but literally a story about crap. My crap to be exact. If poop makes you uncomfortable, please stop reading.

It all began 3 months ago on a cold cold morning. Waking up to the early 7 o'clock sunshine, me and my friend went to eat breakfast at our cafeteria. The inviting smell of scrambled eggs,sausages and toasting waffles met our noses as we entered the cafeteria. Being a carnivore, i chose lots of scrambled eggs mixed with Tabasco sauce, a glass of cold chocolate milk and 5 slices of bacon. A high protein meal fit of a heart attack. After the meal, i watched as the oil oozed around my plate. "Drink it" dared my sub-intelligent friend. Being the early morning, my judgement was impaired and i fell into the stupid dare a retard had set. Laughing we headed off to class.

Nothing spectacular happened during morning classes as the biology teacher literate on and on about some boring hormone or gene. Music class was fine too. It was not until i entered my theatre class did i realise something was not right. We were assigned to watching a Shakespeare play. Experiencing difficulty at understanding normal English, Shakespeare fagot talk gave me a headache. Now a stomach ache was rising but i chose to ignore it as it was my last class for the day. When class finished, i began to make my way back to the dorms in preparation for lunch.
After walking a few strides, i felt the primeval man kinds desire to "visit brown dragon" or "drop the foster kids off at school". Seeing how public toilets can give you aids, i chose to ignore it and do my business in the comfort of my own toilet. that i tell you now is the worst decision i have made in my life so far. Halfway towards the dorm, i realised this was not the classical hard formed poop pooped normally by healthy individuals, but its mutated cousin. The mixture of cold milk, bacon and raw oil did not mix well, too bad i attended biology class instead of chemistry....

AS i walked, i felt my bum muscles giving away. My brain issued a level 5(the highest) emergency to my ass cheeks but the battle was lost. At precisely 2300 hours, the invasion was won by the enemy and my poop made its presence known to the world. BOOM! it exploded breaking through my last lines of defence. Immediately, the cold day became hot around my bum area. However being the cold day it was, it froze. By now i was 3 quarters of the way to my destination. I became paranoid as people walked past me. I thought-"is juice leaking out?""can people see Ive pooped in my pants?""ahhh no more stomach ache" Luckily, it was exam time and everybody was too focused to notice brown juice leaking down my pants. I met a couple of friends just before i got into my bathroom. As you can probably guess, i told them i needed to crap and would catch up with them later. Little did they know, the deed was already done.
Well the rest gets boring, i just shower a lot and throw away all my clothes. The shower smelt like poop and i felt sorry for the cleaner but hey don't blame me-blame Shakespeare-his plays will bore you till you poop.

Well reader, now you know a crappy story about me. Hope you enjoy your food after reading this. :d

Delicious Cooking recipes for family

This post will not teach you how to cook your family. Apologies. This post will however reveal a few secrets in the art of cooking a delicious meal fit for a fat food taster.

Are you sick of the husband that is late for dinner because of "work"? Bored with conventional sandwich lunches? Want something different-below is three delicious recipes sure to get your taste buds crazy!

Recipe one-Exquisite Chocolate desert topped with delicious crusty bread
Make your mouth water?
Ingredients

1. Mars bar or any chocolate bar
2. Two slices of white bread

Instructions

1. Squish chocolate bar between sandwich.

2. Microwave.

3. enjoy melted heaven.

4. Leave our parents basement and learn to cook.

Recipe two-Crispy Spiced duck/pigeon with white rice
Ingredients

1. Bait to capture wild pigeon/duck

2. Capture wild duck or pigeon-the wilder the better-if it contains SARS even better-more flavour you can see!

3. Flour

4.Wasabi

5. Toilet water

6.Sugar

Instructions

1. Notice there is a live/dead bird in front of you. If dead jump to 3.

2. Scream that there is a live bird flapping around your kitchen.

3. Run to butcher to buy chicken breasts.

4. Add layer of wasabi onto breast. Wrap in foil. this is to preserve the moist of a delicious chicken tender. Put into microwave.

5. Dip bits and pieces of flour into toilet water and voila!- homemade rice. it would help if previously you ate real rice and used the toilet. This will ensure your homemade rice retains the beautiful flavours.

6. Taste your creation.

6.5 Order Chinese takeaway or go to hospital.

Recipe three-Braised mushrooms and leek soup

Ingredients

1. Funny coloured mushrooms that are growing in the abandoned house

2.Never heard of leek? its OK-leek is the water that is leaking from the tap. Collect that.

3. Braised? never heard of either, Just ignore that bit.

Instructions

1. Mix funny coloured mushrooms with leek. You can also use the mushrooms your local drug dealer is offering you.

2. Cook with love

3. Get arrested for drug procession or start seeing leprechauns

4. Apply for master chef.

DISCLAIMER(the author of these recipes is definitely not a real sane human let alone a chef so the above recipes ARE NOT safe for human consumption. However if you suffer from constipation..............go watch some South Park.)