why I have not been blogging

Dear readers, lately I have been extremely sloppy in adding blog posts. This is due to what I believe menopause. Lately I have been undergoing extreme menopause symptoms. To the shrinks out there, please help me diagnose my situation!


Possible reasons to why I am undergoing menopause at such young age

1. Career changes- I have undergone 3 career changes in the last 5 months. All of these careers are all performance based therefore adding lots of undue pressure. I have gone from sportsman to salesman and now to real estate. If I don't sell, I don't get paid. This is really not my fault since if my bosses weren’t such a cheapskate; I wouldn’t have to change jobs.

2. Bible cock blockage- I will admit it, I am experiencing sexual frustration. With work consuming most all my time, I have no social life. So unless I find a wife, I will not be able to have sex. If only love came in vending machines.....wait, the Japanese have that already right!

3. Freaking birds- Every morning at precisely sunrise, some freaking inbred thought it would be wise to construct a farm in the middle of his backyard (in the city) and breed a few chickens. The only chicken I want to see is those nuggets lying on a plate with sauce next to it. Coupled with a few crows that land on my tree and you can guess why I don't need an alarm.

These are reasons on why I can't blog posts as often. I know they are excuses and people in Africa and Iraq have to dodge bullets and genocide so they can blog post but hey I am very fragile ok?

New Years Resolution

Here is a list of shit to do in the 2010. And its pronounced two thousand and ten; not 20 10 ok?

1. Remove dead thing stuck in gutters thats been stinking up the whole backyard.

2. Find belly button.

3. Get a real girlfriend thats not made up of five fingers and a palm.

4. Cut down on icecream consumption.

5. Take up a new habit instead of drinking.....maybe smoking?

6. Have healthy non retarded children.

7. Save up money for sex toys.

8. Learn to drive non video game style.

9. Have fun

10. Stay alive and don't get stabbed.


These are my new years resolution. Happy Hobo's blog is currently undergoing poor time management and will try his best to post new blog entries.

Aesops Fable

I have edited well loved Aesop's fables from their original gay versions to a much more modern and interesting version by replacing some words. (Read original first on google)

Original: The ass and the grasshoppers
AN ASS having heard some Stoners chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of drug they smoked on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, "The dew."(weed) The Ass resolved that he would live only upon weed, and in a short time died of hunger. Moral of story: don't be a stoner and get a job.

Original: The Wolf and the Lamb
Penis, meeting with a Vagina astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on her, but to find some plea to justify to the Vagina the Penis's right to eat her. He thus addressed her: "oh pissflaps, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Vagina in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Penis, "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Vagina, "I have not yet tasted grass." Again said the Penis, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Vagina, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Penis seized her and ate her up, saying, "Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations." Moral of story: This is why rape happens-because it can.

Original: The lion in love
A Pimp demanded the daughter of a woodcutter in pimpage. The Father, unwilling to grant, and yet afraid to refuse his request, hit upon this expedient to rid himself of his importunities. He expressed his willingness to accept the pimp as the pimper of his daughter on one condition: that he should allow him to extract his ""bling bling", and cut off his "bitch slap" hand, as his daughter was fearfully afraid of both. The Pimp cheerfully assented to the proposal. But when the blingless, bitchslap hand free pimp returned to repeat his request, the Woodman, no longer afraid, set upon him with his ak47, and drove him away into the ghettos. Moral of story: Learn to bitch slap with both hands.

Happyhobo apologises for ruining classical literature.

Problems in life and how to deal with them: Lesson #1 The persistent boner

I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and couldn't go to sleep. I needed to pee but I had the most massive erection in the world. It was just there, hard as a rock, immobile. I tried everything I could to get it down- I thought about gore, animals, teletubbies and war; but no matter how hard I tried, the boner would not subside. Hitting critical point I made my way to the toilet in an attempt to complete a feat no man has successfully accomplished yet-peeing with a boner without wasting a drop.


I knew standing in an upright position would not allow me to successfully complete the mission so I thought about sitting on the toilet and peeing like women. Unfortunately my penis would not fit in the toilet. The shower suddenly looked very tempting but cleaning afterwards would not be fun and I might miss a spot. So I did the only thing left in my list of option. I bent down push up style and peed. SUCCESS! The position was at the perfect angle of elevation in comparison to my penis. This meant the degree in which the piss entered the toilet ensured no drops fell victim to gravity and missed. That fellow reader is how you pee with a boner.
PROBLEM SOLVED!