Monday, March 29, 2010

Vegetarian Debate

Today, the most epic battle between man and man was fought. The history of mankind will never be the same again after my debate with my inbred retard friend. The debate was over-"is an egg meat?"

My friend’s girlfriend’s sister is a vegetarian but she eats eggs based on the concept that an egg is not meat (not fertilised) and that she is just eating the chicken's period. My debate was that the yolk is an embryo that has potential to become a chicken and she is consuming meat so she is a sick fuck like the rest of us. Face it; we love a freshly cooked chicken embryo when we wake up in the morning mixed with some cow ribs. What a way to start the day!

Now that we are on vegans, first of all, All the people of homosexual origins who don't eat meat and cry when people say "your a vegan" when you specify "I'm a a vegetarian and there is a difference"; here is a simple solution to avoid confusion, why don't you just call yourself a fagot?.

Eating vegetables is scientifically proven to turn one into a homosexual with bad body odour and rainbow coloured poo. Back in the Vietnam War when soldiers were stranded in the middle of the mountain with no source of food-who came back as a war veteran? Not the hippies. It was the guys that cannibalised and therefore survived.

Ben Grylls or other survival expert never eat grass. His always eating animal carcasses and insects so it is obvious that vegan’s is pure bullshit invented by homosexuals that had small assholes and couldn't take a penis in their ass so they resorted to eating vegetables as a way to gain attention and receive acceptance from their peers.

Now go to your nearest farm and take a bite out of a pig,horse or farmers daughter dammit.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Freeballing


Today was quite an uneventful day. On the way to work, on the train. Sitting opposite me was a man with his zipper undone and his balls hanging out. At first glance, i could not identify what it was between his white pants but upon closer inspection, i was scarred for life and public transport. I do not know what event in this world would entice one to let their balls hang out. Could it be public nudity? If so, why was his penis not hanging out? Just the two sacs of lovejuice. Could it have been an accident? It would be folly to not feel your testicles clamped by a zipper. So that made me question what was this man's motives?

Why would one just let their family jewels dangle? Freeballing  i believe is the testicle i mean technical term but this guy has taken it to new levels. Apparently this guy was too cool for underwear. Anyways, next time you sit on a public train or bus seat.Remember, one man's sweaty balls was there before you.

Spasm

DSahiodoasigdhasiogdasouidgasjkdgaskjdgjkgaskjgdaskjdgaskj, asdjofhashfdasjkhfjkasdhfkjasdhfksjahfksdjahfkjsdahfdsjkhfasdkjhfdiiid djdjdjjassssssssssssklsdjlksajdlkasjdaskljdklasjdklasdjaskldjaskljdaskldjaklsdjslakdjaslkdjslakjdlskajdlaskjdaskljdaskldjaskldjsklajdlaskjdslakdjaslkdjaslkjdaslkdas
asdasdjaskldjsaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aasdaduhgqiuegqwiuehgqwjkbeqakedj asjkdhjkashdjkasd kasdbsjkabdasjkdb aksjdbkasjbdkasjdbaskj asasd
asjkdgaskdgaskjgdkjo1qpwjepqmd,samldkasndsda

the end

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

To the beautiful girl i saw today.....


Dear beautiful stranger,

I have seen you many times though I doubt you see me. You walked past me today and my nut sacks dropped to the floor. We caught the same train today but you never looked once at me. Why are you so beautiful? Why is it every time I see you, something in my hearts pulls at me? I know it’s not a heart condition because I went to see the doctor and he told me I was lovesick. I still doubt the doctor’s abilities because he looked pretty shifty. Your big beautiful eyes look like stars that dropped from the night sky. (Where else would they drop from?). Roses must be afraid to bloom in the presence of your lips. You hair, what type of conditioner do you use because it looks silky like the mane of a horse?-which is a good thing. Your aura like that of an angel. I feel like I'm alive when I see you so that means I must be dead beforehand, I guess what I’m trying to say is you turn me into a zombie.

Love is such a mysterious thing, I see beautiful girls everyday yet your effect cannot be described by my words, oh what can i say?. Did cupid really shoot me with an arrow. Because it must have hit my right ass cheek- its been quite sore for some time.
Will we one day meet again? And talk like old friends. Or am I doomed to forever be a ghost, drifting past you? If that does happen, please call Ghostbusters. So beautiful stranger; stop one day, and look into the eyes of a stranger. Maybe I'm a stranger, but we don't have to be......

Friday, March 12, 2010

Party like a rockstar

Last night, i was released back into the wild. Heres how the night went:

I had dinner early, ate some fried food in preperation for the alcohol im about to consume.  Wasn't very eventful, waiting for friend to call me. Watched Simpsons Movie. At 9.30 friend rings, so i go to his car and we head to the nearest bottle shop which was in the ghettos. Buy some french vodka-i didnt know french people drank man drinks.... Anyways we picked up my friends friend, he got munchies so we got some burgers. Then off to the club where our dreams will come true!!!.

Being tightarses, we drank the vodka inside the car. 36 standard drinks shared between me and buddy in less than half hour. Immediately after 5 minutes alcohol takes effect and fat girls walking past became "America's next top model." I was 1/78th sober so i suggested we get some harpoons so we can catch these whales(very logical). Start singing random songs to random strangers. Chit chat two ladies. Head into club. I danced like mc hammer to rock music and was grinding onto all types of chicks. Black out(i don't remember anything). Come to talking to two girls outside. About to pickup then friend start vomiting. Night over because bouncer kick our ass. Thanks god for your crafty cockblocks :).

Anyways thought i'd share that with you guys.