Bros

So today I met an old acquaintance of mine and having not seen him for a long time i presented my hand in an effort to make a friendly gesture. What occurred next is the reason why we cannot have nice things. I'll describe him-White male 31 years old. I extended my hand preparing for a man shake but as my hand met his, he pulled back so only our fingers were touching. Please relax you are not reading erotic literature. The handshake then became one of those gangster handshakes..

What has our society come to, are we not able to make a normal handshake? The handshake became very awkward as he did his finger clicking and slapping my hand. I did not know how this primitive form of handshaking works but apparently this is how men shake hands. If observed from faraway, one might think that we are playing hand clapping games. Next time if you cannot shake a hand like a man, I will commit acts that are illegal in certain parts of this planet.

Another thing that really bags my nuts is when people call me bro or cuz. I am not your relative.You did not come out of my mothers/auntie's vagina. Please do not call me bro. Ok ho? you know yo. Sorry..... The best cure to anything is prevention. So one must identify a bro therefore able to avoid a bro. Bro's share common fashion traits as well as behaviour. Common signs you may be interacting with a bro includes:
# Upturned collars for purposes other than sun protection.
# Enough cologone to drown a household pet.
# Cannot talk in constructive sentences and ending words prematurely.

These three signs are the major ones...watch out!

EGG EGG EGG

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Blog update

Been busy so i apologise for the long delay in posting. Anyways got a new job selling fitness equipment at a shopping mall. My duties involve getting peoples attention as they are walking by and then making them purchase fitness equipment that they will probably use once and then let it gather dust.

I work next to a female fashion boutique, so that means i have to listen to corny love songs 8 hours a day. Lately however, they are doing a Justing Breiber promotion so that means I have to listen to that fag sing 8 hours a day. Its like listning to a constipated transexual.

There are many methods we use to gather peoples attention. One of this is standing on a vibration platform where very single piece of your body jiggles. When people ask me what i do, i tell them i jiggle my ass for a living.

Going to attend a company dinner tonight, not looking forward to the faggotry that I will have to partake in.

How to Survive a shootout.

Second Amendment = right to bear arms = you,me,angry korean kid, Rambo can all get a gun. What happens if Rambo has a "senior moment" or flashback? If you are in a situation such as this, or live in a dangerous neighborhood, follow my guide to ensure you dont make the casulty report on the 6'oclock news. Despite the odds of it happening, better safe then sorry. Remember, your no good if your riddled with holes.

Step 1 Get low,"shawty had dem apply body jeans, boots with the fur...." if you get low, there is less surface area for a bullet to hit. Remember this song when you are running since Rappers are professional bullet dodgers.
Step 2 If you are running, run like Forrest Gump. Don't look back. If the gunmen is at long range, ducking as you run or zig zagging can lessen the chance of being shot.

Step 3 Seek solid cover if gunman is in vicinity. Call police as soon as possible-Dont try to be a hero.

"Every hero i know is dead."

Step 4 You can also hide in a room and lock the door. Try to also bar the door with furniture if possible. It will be useful if the room has a window that you can jump out off should the need arise. While waiting in room do the chicken dance.

Step 5 You can play dead. However if you see the shooter shooting bodies on the floor, playing dead can make you dead.
Step 6 The most efficient way to dodge bullets is to make sci fi music whoosh noises and do matrix style body movements. 99 percent chance of dodging bullets. Ensure your wearing sunglasses too.