Happyhobo's Guide to the World: Korea

Being an educational blog, Happyhobo will teach you about the countries that make up our world. The first country on the list is none other than Korea!

North Korea

North Korea is located north of South Korea. Its also home to Kim Jong IL who is known for his advertisements in hair products and also running the country though mainly for the hair. The Capital Pyongyang (means vagina in Korean) is a huge metropolis. North Korea opposes global warming so during night time, the good citizens of North Korea turn of their lights in an attempt to save penguins in Antarctica. Recently, North Korea have developed a nuclear bomb and sticky taped it to a missle thus the name taepodong (taped penis). North Korea has only one industry in its economy-the glorification of Kim jong il. 99.9% of the population is employed in this industry which involves building great statues of kim Jon Il and waving colourful flags. During World War 3, North Korea bombed a place called Pearl harbor causing the Australians to retaliate. Recently, North Korea agreed to abandon its nuclear program if America gives it candy.
South Korea

Unlike their brothers from North Korea, South Korea came into existence when the Berlin War was built thus seperating the two into different countries. South Korea is more modernised then North Korea. Its national sport is Starcraft and military strategies are developed according to Starcraft. Excellent military strategist from South korea are hired by countries all over the world. South Korea like America's own South is where all the hillbillies and rednecks are. These people are know as Samurais. Samurai's spend their days using swords to fight each other instead of guns and eating alot so they can get fat and wrestle each other. The national currency for South korea is Vespene Gas and Minerals. Contary to popular belief, kimchi is not a South Korean dish, rather its a Japanese dish. The real national dish of South Korea is kebabs.

The next logical step is to tell a fellow Korean you know all about their country! Coming up next time in Happyhobo's guide to the world: United States of America.

Masturbation For Guys 101

Well, today readers, I will share with you enlightened knowledge. The art of masturbation (for a guy). Masturbation is a taboo subject but people don't know masturbation stops rape, aids and criminal behaviour. Having masturbated the majority of my life-I can call myself somewhat of an expert. Masturbation involves technique, timing and precise movements to achieve the ultimate goal. Since many people are doing it wrong and suffering penis damage-consider your penises saved after reading this post.
We begin with the basics. In order to masturbate-one must first be warmed up. To do this watch some porn or sniff some panties imported from Japan. When you finished warming up, you should be "in heat." This means your penis should be theoretically erect and warm. If penis is not in position; you’re warming up wrong.
SECRET TECHNIQUE-if your not warmed up adequately, consider stroking your nipples and pulling your balls. Penis should be at horizontal or above in height to your body. (90degrees). Use Pythagoras theorem to make sure. As a last resort, jump up and down and your penis should be boucing up and down. this helps get blood into your penis despite clogging problems you may be experiencing.

Here at Happyhobo's blog, we do not condone the use of legal substances for you to gain an unfair advantage so that means substances such as Viagra are frowned upon.

Now, progress by placing dominant hand over penis-similar to how one would hold a racquet. Grip strength should be around 80% of your maximum power. Move hand up to the shaft and then slide down while maintaining grip power. Repeat process at controlled speeds gradually increasing in speed until you reach orgasm. How to tell if you reached orgasm? When love juice is released. If you’re not releasing love juice, then show some more love.

I-masturbation black belt will now teach you advanced masturbation techniques. Who says the mission should be over after just ONE orgasm? SECRET TECHNIQUE-in order to achieve multiple orgasm, begin stimulation as soon as first orgasm is complete to make sure you don't lose your form after all that hard work warming up.(hold erection) Now, at the base of penis(where it connects to body) hold the two sides with your thumb and first finger(non-masturbating hand). When you’re ready to orgasm rub or press down the top of the base of penis. (The face that faces you and where pubic hair is). Orgasm number 2! If done correctly, one should be "shooting blanks" after a few orgasms. Note: Penis may twitch after consecutive orgasms but this is normal and it means it’s fatigued.

One more SECRET TECHNIQUE: to avoid ejaculation, press up on the area between the legs (underneath your balls) and surprise! (this practice may result in you needing a plumber)
Last SECRET TECHNIQUE: stand on your toes after first orgasm or unfurl your toes. then try to push your abdomen foreward. you should be able to come quicker.
Be wary of injuries though. Like athletics, professional masturbation requires one to outperform the bodies limitations. Injuries vary. One of my friends masturbated so much he started bleeding. Watch out for friction burns so apply lubricant when possible.
So now you know how to masturbate, what are you waiting for? Why are you still looking at this post????

My Job as a salesman

Well, I just got a job-as a salesman. Job description- I get to walk around in searing heat "trying" to get people to buy wax. Sounds fun? (I'd rather stick to masturbating). Although I have to admit, this wax spray is pretty awesome. You can do so many things with it;-wash cars, clean windows, and self protection device, use it as a mild explosive device and sniffing it can probably get you high. Despite this, it’s still hard to try convincing people to part ways with their hard earn moolah.

On my first day on the job, I followed a top gun salesman and their team as we went around trying to get people to buy awesome wax. It’s a tough job, need a toilet break? May I introduce you to adult nappies? Angry people? Well I just use my wax spray as defence. The only good thing about this job is talking to different people. Some have big noses, others have thick moustaches (even some of the ladies) but every one of them is a dollar cow waiting to be milked kaching!(I've sold my soul haven't I?) Lunch break consisted of smoking cigarettes and checking how much I have sold. One guy smoked so much he had his own tobacco bag to save money and was rolling them himself. Every one of the salesman smoked so maybe it's a job perquisite? Once again I managed to attract awkward attention by getting sprayed in the face. Here I was holding the door for the salesman when the wind blew the spray into my face as he was giving a demonstration, involuntarily I swore and that sale obviously didn’t go very well. I’m surprised they even hired me.

I'm worried though since when I talk, sometimes spit flies out and if it does hit someone in the eye-whose going to pay compensation?

My Resume

Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Happy Hobo and would like to apply for whatever job you have on offer. Please find my attached resume and i look forward to hearing from you.

yours truly
Happy Hobo IIIVIII

      Resume for HappyHobo

Name: Happy "Sparemesomechange" Hobo

Sex: never

Nationality: Jedi

Address: on the streets

Phone Number: 911

email: hotmale@hotmail.com

Objective:
To become Overlord of the Galaxy.

Education and training:

2000-2006- Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft

2006-2010- University Of Harvard Princeton New York (Location: India)

- Major: League Baseball

-Minor: Only had one DUI and "one minor" infringency for public indecency.

Working Experience:
Last Week:  Self Employed

Duties included patting myself on the back and giving myself pay rises.

Some time last month: Shop Assistant
Responsibilities included checking customers out.

A long time ago: Took a career break to mourn the loss my favourite pair of socks.

I can't remember if i did this job or not.
Duties include checking old people to see if they have died or not. Cleaning vegetable people.

Skills:                              

Attention to detail.
Attention to detail.
Can convince people for sexual favours.
I can type without looking at the keybard.
I have skills that will take your breath away.
Burp in rapid succession.

Special Achievements and awards:
I failed school with reasonable high grades.
I came 3rd out of a class of 4.

References:
God

Will this help me get the job?

Facts you must know

Did you know
1. The word bed looks like a bed.

2. Racecar is the same word backwards.

3. The word shark looks like a shark.

4. "ok"-look from the side and its a stickman!

5. Hold your left thumb at the fingernails for 10 seconds. Then put it into your throat. There will be no gag reflex.

6. You cannot move your head back and forthe with your mouth open.(look in the mirror).

8. The word "silent" is made up of the same letters as listen.

8. The Bible makes no mention of Adam and Eve eating an apple.

9. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

10. Number 7 on this list is a 8.

11. Save trees by pulling your ass cheeks to the side when pooping so you use less toilet paper.

12. Bite your upper lip to stop sneezing.

Don't you feel so wise?