Delicious Cooking recipes for family

This post will not teach you how to cook your family. Apologies. This post will however reveal a few secrets in the art of cooking a delicious meal fit for a fat food taster.

Are you sick of the husband that is late for dinner because of "work"? Bored with conventional sandwich lunches? Want something different-below is three delicious recipes sure to get your taste buds crazy!

Recipe one-Exquisite Chocolate desert topped with delicious crusty bread
Make your mouth water?
Ingredients

1. Mars bar or any chocolate bar
2. Two slices of white bread

Instructions

1. Squish chocolate bar between sandwich.

2. Microwave.

3. enjoy melted heaven.

4. Leave our parents basement and learn to cook.

Recipe two-Crispy Spiced duck/pigeon with white rice
Ingredients

1. Bait to capture wild pigeon/duck

2. Capture wild duck or pigeon-the wilder the better-if it contains SARS even better-more flavour you can see!

3. Flour

4.Wasabi

5. Toilet water

6.Sugar

Instructions

1. Notice there is a live/dead bird in front of you. If dead jump to 3.

2. Scream that there is a live bird flapping around your kitchen.

3. Run to butcher to buy chicken breasts.

4. Add layer of wasabi onto breast. Wrap in foil. this is to preserve the moist of a delicious chicken tender. Put into microwave.

5. Dip bits and pieces of flour into toilet water and voila!- homemade rice. it would help if previously you ate real rice and used the toilet. This will ensure your homemade rice retains the beautiful flavours.

6. Taste your creation.

6.5 Order Chinese takeaway or go to hospital.

Recipe three-Braised mushrooms and leek soup

Ingredients

1. Funny coloured mushrooms that are growing in the abandoned house

2.Never heard of leek? its OK-leek is the water that is leaking from the tap. Collect that.

3. Braised? never heard of either, Just ignore that bit.

Instructions

1. Mix funny coloured mushrooms with leek. You can also use the mushrooms your local drug dealer is offering you.

2. Cook with love

3. Get arrested for drug procession or start seeing leprechauns

4. Apply for master chef.

DISCLAIMER(the author of these recipes is definitely not a real sane human let alone a chef so the above recipes ARE NOT safe for human consumption. However if you suffer from constipation..............go watch some South Park.)